I wore the greenest green I could possibly find. I scoured my drawer for undies with green. I prayed in the dark on my knees in my closet... the only place the dog wouldn't have a field day jumping all over me while I was down on his level.
I had a hectic morning with a client meeting, which I had to leave in the middle of with really no explanation to my coworkers other than, I have a 1:00 appointment. (Later, I heard there was speculation I was going to a job interview.) On the drive to pick up hubby, my stomach was doing so many backflips and my heart racing to the point that I almost couldn't breathe.
We arrived at the doctor's office and the nurse took us back. I told her how I was feeling. She understood. The doctor hadn't arrived, so she took the liberty, kind soul that she is, to call him on his cell with a sharp command to get over here because, "E is here and she is about to throw up."
When Dr. P arrived in the room, he told me he'd heard I was feeling naseaus and that was a very good sign. I corrected him - this is not naseau. I haven't had any of that. This is a case of the worst nerves ever.
The nurse warned me before we started that this was pretty early, so if we didn't see a heartbeat, I was not to panic. We definitely needed to see a yolk sac and gestational sac, and the fetal pole with a heartbeat may or may not be there yet. Yeah, right. Don't panic? Too late for that.
So the check begins and I can't bear to look at the screen. Hubby is holding my hand and doing that for me. I just watch Dr. P and the two nurses' faces for clues. Nurse #1 immediately begins to nod furiously. I think that is a good sign. Dr. P points out the sac, taking his time, zooming around. Still waiting - is there a heartbeat? Nurse reiterates we may not see it yet. Then - there! Dr. P points out a tiny little diamond with the tiniest of blinking. I finally look at the screen. Blink, blink. So tiny! But moving!
They are all grinning and saying this is good. I am not yet grinning. I am concerned that it is so small. We are at 6w2d here and the measurement is 0.14cm. Barely measurable! Last time, at 6w3d, we measure 0.6cm. Why the difference? They tell me so far so good and stop worrying, that all is looking well. I ask the obvious question -- I've been here before. A heartbeat at 6 weeks. Came back at 8 weeks to find none. Is there anything I can do?
Dr. P shakes his head and says, unfortunately, no. They tell me to come back in two weeks. I must have looked pretty desperate when I asked, Can I please come back next week? They agreed. Wed at 9:30am. Calendar says it will be 7w2d. I can't wait.
Dr. P is wrong, however. There is something I can do - and something I AM doing. I can pray. I can give this up to our Sovereign Father and Giver of Life! Remember, He works miracles!
After the church service this morning, hubby and I went down to talk with an encourager and ask for prayer. It was a young guy, about our age, very friendly and easy to talk to. I explained our sitation (tears flowing immediately - man I can't hold my emotions in!) and said we would really like to pray. He surprised me by saying that he and his wife are in a similar boat.... unlike us, they have a 6-year-old, but have been trying again for 2 years now and just can't figure out why she won't get pregnant. God is telling us we are not alone and there are so many others fighting this battle with infertility that also need our prayer. Joey placed one hand on each of our shoulders and prayed that God's will be done in our lives, and that it might result in us becoming parents. He prayed the prayer so easily that I knew he'd prayed these words before for his own family. He and his wife will now be in our prayers, as well.
God really knows what He is doing, doesn't He?
I will be wearing green again this Wed. It isn't St Patty's Day anymore, but it can't hurt. :-)