I cannot believe I have to write this. We are losing our precious little baby yet again. Yet again. My child who I love so much already has evidently stopped growing.
For the third time, we've seen a hearbeat on ultrasound and put pictures on our fridge of our beautiful baby, made plans and dreams about holding this baby in our arms, and then have gone back for the next ultrasound only to find out the baby no longer has a heartbeat.
This was supposed to be our miracle. We had so much hope and faith. We don't understand why this is happening and the doctors can tell us nothing. We've been tested for everything under the sun. We know my uterus is less than ideal, but everything we've read and been told has said that we should be able to have a successful pregnancy.
Once you see a heartbeat (especially at 159!!), the chance of miscarriage is very slim. But not for us. That seems to not apply.
I have been on my knees and praying constantly during this month of pregnancy. I've continually told our Heavenly Father that I am trusting in His plan for us and thanking Him for His mercy. I can't go back on that despite this heartbreak... and I know He does have a plan for us, but I am hurting and angry and confused.
I go back Friday for a "final check", but it seems a foregone conclusion. The doctor who was filling in today started to give us the litany of options...D&C, mistopropal, etc... but we've been here before. We know the drill. We just didn't think we'd be asked to do it again.
Will we ever be parents?