Our Miracle

Our Miracle

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

To IVF or Not to IVF

That is the question. We had the consult with our doctor last Friday. I asked for a more aggressive plan of action. The current plan, clearly, is not working.

My RE agreed. He agreed so much that he discussed IVF as an option.

That threw me for a loop at first. I thought IVF was the last resort. I was thinking more along the lines of an intermediate step. You know, bring on the injectables. That kind of thing.

But with my unicornuate uterus, injectables don't make sense. After talking it through, it is down to either keep on keeping on and stick with the oral meds/IUI for a little longer or go for broke with IVF.

I'm stat gathering. I'm reading blogs. I'm talking about it ad naseum to my poor husband, who is wonderfully supportive and will honestly be okay with whatever I think is best. But I'm sure he wishes I would just decide already.

I have no idea what to do.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Due date #2

Yep, due date #2.

Today was the day I was supposed to welcome my baby to the world.

I got through due date #1 (June 2, 2009) for one reason and one reason only - I was pregnant for the 2nd time on that date. I was convinced that the first miscarriage was an isolated incident, a devastation that I was supposed to go through to shape me into the person I will be, to learn a higher trust in the Higher Power, to learn that I can get out of bed even when it seems like the world is falling apart. I thought it was a rough patch that I would put behind me and looked forward to the baby that (I thought) was growing inside me.

10 days after that, I found out it was not to be.

Fast forward to now. I thought surely 9 months later, I'd be pregnant again. After all, I can get pregnant. I just haven't yet figured out how to stay pregnant.

(Like it is up to me to figure out. Like it is in my control to "stay pregnant." Okay, just reminding myself of that.)

So now, I don't have a new pregnany to get me through this day. I don't even have a hope for this cycle. The two residual cysts took care of that - and cancelled my cycle for the 2nd month in a row.

But I do have faith. I do have tears. I do have chocolate. :-)

Monday, January 11, 2010

Cheerleader Mode

Day 1: Here we go again.

GAME ON Unicornuate Uterus!

STEP BACK PCOS! You are going down!!!

No matter how despairing I feel after each failed month, there is still something about that feeling of staring another chance square in the face. You just gotta give in to it - and allow a little hope to creep on in.

Gotta love some Norah. :-)

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


I have to get it off my chest. I have cheated on a very important relationship in my life.

Tonight I went to a different salon to get my hair done.

Oh, for shame. I know. It just feels so wrong.

It doesn't matter that I can't get in to see my regular girl for 3 weeks and my roots were absolutely screaming for attention. It doesn't matter that she leaves at 5pm and only books Saturdays weeks out and this new place stays open 'til 9pm and I got an appointment in 2 days. It doesn't even matter that my hair looks great and New Guy did a bang-up job.

New Guy? Does that mean I am already contemplating cheating again?

Guilt: A woman's inescapable sidekick. Even invades the quest for great-looking hair.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

A new year, a new start?

I'm not a very good blogger.

Okay, I'm a terrible blogger. Does 3 posts in one year qualify?

New Year's Day, I suppose, prompts you to be reflective. To take stock. To look ahead.

What will the new decade bring? Heaven only knows. Will I be sitting here a year from now - no closer to being a mom than I am today? Possible. Will I handle whatever comes with faith and grace? Uncertain! Will I still have a Father who loves me and has a plan for my life? Absolutely.

Our Huey dog is a burst of fun in our lives. A stinky, licky, energetic burst of adorableness in our days and nights - especially those nights when he wakes us up three times. Is this what having a newborn is like? Nevermind, don't answer that.

Our IUI cycle this month was cancelled. I'm hoping for a new plan for next month, a new outcome. Isn't that what the New Year is all about?