It's difficult to imagine
'Cause I loved you so much from the start.
But every year that passes,
That love grows deeper in my heart.
You are so sweet, so strong, so faithful
You've made all my dreams come true.
And now watching you with our daughter
Makes me again fall in love with you.
Happy Valentines Day!
Our Miracle
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Finalization
I've been meaning to put down my thoughts on paper about this incredible day before any of the details slip from my mind.
I knew the final adoption hearing was a mere formality. Our sweet girl was already chosen and planned to be our daughter since the beginning of time, and we have been a family since the day we laid eyes on her and held her for the first time. But the special thing about this day was that the rest of the world would now know what we did.
Like all new moms, I questioned myself in those early weeks of her precious life. Was I doing everything right? Was I being the perfect mom? But underlying those common fears were ones that said, if I'm not, will someone change their mind? So when we stood before the judge and he signed the papers, that all melted away. She is ours and no one can ever take her away.
My hubby and I were there for the hearing, of course, but we were also joined by my mom and stepdad, my dad and stepmom, and my stepsister. My dad and stepmom made the trip from halfway across the country. Afterwards, we all went to a nearby restaurant for a little celebration. Although my parents are civil to each other, their interactions in the past 15 years have been slim, and the only occasions where they have been seen in the same room have been my wedding and when my brother came home from Iraq with his Marine squadron. I looked around the table to see them chatting and marveled at how this little girl has not only made complete a gaping hole in our hearts, but she has brought together those I love and made so many people happy.
Especially me. :-)
I knew the final adoption hearing was a mere formality. Our sweet girl was already chosen and planned to be our daughter since the beginning of time, and we have been a family since the day we laid eyes on her and held her for the first time. But the special thing about this day was that the rest of the world would now know what we did.
Like all new moms, I questioned myself in those early weeks of her precious life. Was I doing everything right? Was I being the perfect mom? But underlying those common fears were ones that said, if I'm not, will someone change their mind? So when we stood before the judge and he signed the papers, that all melted away. She is ours and no one can ever take her away.
My hubby and I were there for the hearing, of course, but we were also joined by my mom and stepdad, my dad and stepmom, and my stepsister. My dad and stepmom made the trip from halfway across the country. Afterwards, we all went to a nearby restaurant for a little celebration. Although my parents are civil to each other, their interactions in the past 15 years have been slim, and the only occasions where they have been seen in the same room have been my wedding and when my brother came home from Iraq with his Marine squadron. I looked around the table to see them chatting and marveled at how this little girl has not only made complete a gaping hole in our hearts, but she has brought together those I love and made so many people happy.
Especially me. :-)
Monday, February 7, 2011
The Inevitable Cold
Well, it's official. Baby A has a cold.
Of course, I spent an hour and a half going to the pediatrician and $85 for the visit to find out what, let's face it, I already knew.
Runny nose. Coughing. Not eating a lot. Classic symptons.
No fever. No pulling on the ears. Still eating some. Again, classic indications that it probably isn't serious.
We flew to visit my hubby's family up north last week. So there were the airplane germs, the cold weather. Classic causes that lead to a cold. (She did GREAT on the plane, incidentally! Flew like a veteran traveler. If only I could figure out how to pack less!)
But it has been 5 days! And my little love is still waking up coughing and not feeling well! So what is a mommy to do? We went to the pediatrician, of course.
And they told me she had a cold. Well, at least I know that there isn't anything else I should be doing! Back to the saline drops and humidifier! Feel better soon, my love!
Of course, I spent an hour and a half going to the pediatrician and $85 for the visit to find out what, let's face it, I already knew.
Runny nose. Coughing. Not eating a lot. Classic symptons.
No fever. No pulling on the ears. Still eating some. Again, classic indications that it probably isn't serious.
We flew to visit my hubby's family up north last week. So there were the airplane germs, the cold weather. Classic causes that lead to a cold. (She did GREAT on the plane, incidentally! Flew like a veteran traveler. If only I could figure out how to pack less!)
But it has been 5 days! And my little love is still waking up coughing and not feeling well! So what is a mommy to do? We went to the pediatrician, of course.
And they told me she had a cold. Well, at least I know that there isn't anything else I should be doing! Back to the saline drops and humidifier! Feel better soon, my love!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Miracle Workers
I had the chance to sit down and write a letter to the head of our adoption agency and tell her what an incredible impact her staff made on us.
There can be no doubt that the day we walked in the door to meet with the director and started down this path changed our lives in the most wonderful of ways, blessing us beyond measure. How many times have I kissed Little A today?!?
But even beyond that, every single person we worked with had such a committment to his or her work, had such a passion for creating families, and made us feel immediately comfortable in a completely unfamiliar realm. Adoption, much like infertility, is all about the unknown, the opening up of your heart and putting your faith into someone else's hands, trusting in them to take you from wanting a baby to having a baby.
I still can't stop thinking about what an amazing job they play. It is not an easy one. Our caseworker is on call 24/7. She walks the balancing act between being the usually absent but much-needed support for the birthparents and the calming encouragement for the adoptive parents. She is the one who gets to give the news that families have been matched, that babies have been born, and afterwards that babies who have been placed are getting the most care and love, but she is also the one who has to tell adoptive parents that the birthparents changed their minds, that the baby is not going home with them as planned. When it is time to go to the hospital, she goes. When there are questions, she answers. When there is no news, she still is there, patiently helping you wait. And at the end of it all, she helped our family come together. I know God was the Orchestrater, but she was an instrument. A big one. And what could give you more satisfaction at the end of the day than a job like that?
She is, they all are, an inspiration. Watching them day by day makes me yearn for a job that could make such an impact, that could change people's lives in such a powerful way. I just need to figure out what.
There can be no doubt that the day we walked in the door to meet with the director and started down this path changed our lives in the most wonderful of ways, blessing us beyond measure. How many times have I kissed Little A today?!?
But even beyond that, every single person we worked with had such a committment to his or her work, had such a passion for creating families, and made us feel immediately comfortable in a completely unfamiliar realm. Adoption, much like infertility, is all about the unknown, the opening up of your heart and putting your faith into someone else's hands, trusting in them to take you from wanting a baby to having a baby.
I still can't stop thinking about what an amazing job they play. It is not an easy one. Our caseworker is on call 24/7. She walks the balancing act between being the usually absent but much-needed support for the birthparents and the calming encouragement for the adoptive parents. She is the one who gets to give the news that families have been matched, that babies have been born, and afterwards that babies who have been placed are getting the most care and love, but she is also the one who has to tell adoptive parents that the birthparents changed their minds, that the baby is not going home with them as planned. When it is time to go to the hospital, she goes. When there are questions, she answers. When there is no news, she still is there, patiently helping you wait. And at the end of it all, she helped our family come together. I know God was the Orchestrater, but she was an instrument. A big one. And what could give you more satisfaction at the end of the day than a job like that?
She is, they all are, an inspiration. Watching them day by day makes me yearn for a job that could make such an impact, that could change people's lives in such a powerful way. I just need to figure out what.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Best Christmas Yet
I can't help but marvel at my life this Christmas, thinking how different it is from the last few years. We have been blessed beyond what we could ask or imagine with the arrival of our baby girl and she brings so much joy to our home this holiday.
Why do we get to hold her in our arms while others are still waiting? Why did we have to wait so long while others became parents so easily? We cannot know these answers. My heart is forever changed from the experience of struggling to become a mom, and then from becoming one, and I am hurting right along with those who are still fighting that hardest of battles. But I know there is a beautiful and perfect child out there waiting for all those who hope. I, too, still hope there is another one for us. (Okay, in truth, another two!) But for now, I am focused on our little A and loving being a family of three. I'm focused on being thankful for the blessings sent from above, in timing of the One whose will is perfect.
She's tucked in, sleeping tight, looking so adorable in Christmas PJ's. It is a silent night, a holy night. And the Baby born this night brings us peace, brings us joy, and brings us life.
Why do we get to hold her in our arms while others are still waiting? Why did we have to wait so long while others became parents so easily? We cannot know these answers. My heart is forever changed from the experience of struggling to become a mom, and then from becoming one, and I am hurting right along with those who are still fighting that hardest of battles. But I know there is a beautiful and perfect child out there waiting for all those who hope. I, too, still hope there is another one for us. (Okay, in truth, another two!) But for now, I am focused on our little A and loving being a family of three. I'm focused on being thankful for the blessings sent from above, in timing of the One whose will is perfect.
She's tucked in, sleeping tight, looking so adorable in Christmas PJ's. It is a silent night, a holy night. And the Baby born this night brings us peace, brings us joy, and brings us life.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Timing is Everything
I was thinking yesterday about how I spent the month of March (2010) on my knees asking God to allow our baby to live, for our child to have life. What really hit me about this is that our daughter was conceived in November (2009)! So all that time that I was asking Him, God had a plan for our beautiful daughter ALREADY in the works! It wasn't the plan I had in mind or the even the plan I was asking for, but it was God's perfect will and His work in our life and we are beyond thankful for it. She is the light of our lives!
Isn't it amazing to realize that while we are desperately praying, hoping, sulking, pouting, feeling sorry for ourselves, doubting, wishing, wanting, longing for a BIG need.... GOD has already put in motion a BIGGER RESPONSE?
And that, quite simply, is why we need faith. I trust in His plan and ask Him to give me the faith and strength to wait on it.
And the very cool thing about this path that we are on? Only God knows the hour and day when our 2nd baby will be conceived. We aren't pursuing adoption or fertility treatments again right now, as we are relishing every day with our precious one, but who knows what plan will be revealed in the future!! :-)
Isn't it amazing to realize that while we are desperately praying, hoping, sulking, pouting, feeling sorry for ourselves, doubting, wishing, wanting, longing for a BIG need.... GOD has already put in motion a BIGGER RESPONSE?
And that, quite simply, is why we need faith. I trust in His plan and ask Him to give me the faith and strength to wait on it.
And the very cool thing about this path that we are on? Only God knows the hour and day when our 2nd baby will be conceived. We aren't pursuing adoption or fertility treatments again right now, as we are relishing every day with our precious one, but who knows what plan will be revealed in the future!! :-)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
A sweet gift
My sweet friend M gave me the most beautiful gift for my birthday this year.
For several months, I've been wearing a necklace that I had made with an open circle pendant that held three birthstones - June, January and November - the three due dates of my angels. On one side was engraved, "Forever Loved" and on the other, "In the Arms of God". It made me feel close to them to have a rememberance hanging close to my heart.
Since our miracle has arrived, I've only worn it a few times, and I've felt a little strange. Although they are a part of me that is never far from my mind, I want my focus now to be on my wonderful blessing and the unspeakable joy she has brought us!
Although I never verbalized this, my friend must have understood. I opened her gift to find a new necklace. This one has two round disks that hang from a tiny beaded chain. On one disk there are three hearts. On the other, the name of my little princess. The three hearts that brought us to you.
You can find it and other beautiful pieces here. LL Designs
I love it!
PS - Not quite as sentimental, but my wonderful husband also surprised me with a fabulous K.S. bag! It is hot!!New Winter Bag!
For several months, I've been wearing a necklace that I had made with an open circle pendant that held three birthstones - June, January and November - the three due dates of my angels. On one side was engraved, "Forever Loved" and on the other, "In the Arms of God". It made me feel close to them to have a rememberance hanging close to my heart.
Since our miracle has arrived, I've only worn it a few times, and I've felt a little strange. Although they are a part of me that is never far from my mind, I want my focus now to be on my wonderful blessing and the unspeakable joy she has brought us!
Although I never verbalized this, my friend must have understood. I opened her gift to find a new necklace. This one has two round disks that hang from a tiny beaded chain. On one disk there are three hearts. On the other, the name of my little princess. The three hearts that brought us to you.
You can find it and other beautiful pieces here. LL Designs
I love it!
PS - Not quite as sentimental, but my wonderful husband also surprised me with a fabulous K.S. bag! It is hot!!New Winter Bag!
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