Due date #2

Yep, due date #2.

Today was the day I was supposed to welcome my baby to the world.

I got through due date #1 (June 2, 2009) for one reason and one reason only - I was pregnant for the 2nd time on that date. I was convinced that the first miscarriage was an isolated incident, a devastation that I was supposed to go through to shape me into the person I will be, to learn a higher trust in the Higher Power, to learn that I can get out of bed even when it seems like the world is falling apart. I thought it was a rough patch that I would put behind me and looked forward to the baby that (I thought) was growing inside me.

10 days after that, I found out it was not to be.

Fast forward to now. I thought surely 9 months later, I'd be pregnant again. After all, I can get pregnant. I just haven't yet figured out how to stay pregnant.

(Like it is up to me to figure out. Like it is in my control to "stay pregnant." Okay, just reminding myself of that.)

So now, I don't have a new pregnany to get me through this day. I don't even have a hope for this cycle. The two residual cysts took care of that - and cancelled my cycle for the 2nd month in a row.

But I do have faith. I do have tears. I do have chocolate. :-)