12DPO = HPT Negative

I guess this wasn't it.

I couldn't have been more positive over the last two weeks. I decided in my heart of hearts that this was going to be our miracle. I prayed constantly, and I know there were others praying for us, too. That, by the way, is a wonderful feeling -- to know that others are bowing before the throne of our Creator on your behalf. Thank you for making me feel so loved.

There is a song by Kutless that I've kept on a running loop through my head -- I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end, even when the sky is falling. And I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do.

It CAN do. Doesn't mean it WILL do.

So where does that leave me?

Deflated.

Asking why this has to be so hard for us.

Wanting to hide under the covers and not come out for the remainder of the weekend. (Tried that, but hubby forced me to get dressed and go out to brunch, where I promptly drank two mugs full of coffee - screw the no caffeine rule -- and a delicious egg white omelette with artichoke and feta and realized it was worth the monumetal effort to get out of bed!)

But never giving up. So the answer was Not yet. Yes, He can move mountains, but He will do so on His timing. Not mine.

I guess IVF is next.

He got the baby

So my hubby called me at work on Tuesday.

It wasn't just any Tuesday. It was Fat Tuesday. Yes, time to live it up! Get it out of your system before the long season of tempering, holding back, remembering the sacrifice of Easter. Christ died for us (and we are thankful!)

For the occasion, his boss brought in a king cake for everyone to share.

They all cut in to it... and hubby got the baby. GOT THE BABY.

He said it was sign. He's never gotten the baby before.

Incidentally, the baby was a boy. I didn't realize they made them, er, gender specific.

But I digress. He got the baby, by golly, and I am so hopeful that we are getting the baby, too.

A hope and a prayer

I am praying for a Miracle.

This is it -- our last try IUI. Next stop: IVF.

Cycle review:
Femara 7.5mg days 3-7- Check.
Day 12 U/S - 1 Follie, 18mm, left side.
My only tube is on the right -- Dr. gave two options:
1) Proceed with IUI on "a hope and a prayer"
2) Cancel
I chose option 1.
HGC shot at midnight on CD 12 - Check.
Insemination at 9am on CD 14 - Check.
Now we wait. 2 weeks.

A Hope and a Prayer. Dr. Mayer said it. I'm asking for it. Will you ask for me, too? After all, there is power in prayer.

While I was waiting for the IUI alone in the examination room, the u/s computer still had the screen up from the last patient. I could see her little miracle photos on the screen - measuring 6w4d.

A month from now, I want those photos to be mine. I believe in Miracles!

Two years, one month... and, (SIGH), still counting

Many of my fellow infertiles say if they had only known it was going to take so long to get pregnant, they would have started trying sooner.

I disagree.

If I had known how long this was going to take - and continues to take - I may have waited longer. It has been a very tough two years. I am so happy that Hubby and I had the blissful first two years of our marriage, unknowing what lay ahead. Those of you who've faced it - you know. This is rough. Thankfully, our marriage has proven strong enough to handle it, and actually, has gotten even stronger because of it. A silver lining? I'm so thankful for that.

But, man, I'm ready to move on. When does the struggling to have a baby change to struggling to be parents? I know that part won't be easy, either, but let me at least try! I suppose all this just goes to prove that life is not easy. For any of us. Period.

What does not kill us makes us stronger?